Filed under: Struggle for My Soul | Tags: Eman, Fasting, hassaballa, islam, muslim, muslims, Ramadan, rant, sunset
Tonight is the 19th night of Ramadan, and I’ve fallen into the same slump that I fall into every year. I start off strong and then I get a short break (we’re all adults) or I just poop out. And then I’m coasting on very little until Eid.
I’ve been seeing people on Facebook talk about how awesome they feel and I feel a little bit jealous, because I don’t feel that. I’m actually counting down the days until Ramadan ends so I can stop feeling guilty for not taking advantage of it. Fasting is wiping me out and I wish I had somewhere to travel to, or a really bad cold, so I can have a small break. And all I hear is the supplication that I’ve been hearing for many years about hoping to blessed to see another Ramadan.
Ramadan was so much easier when I was in college. Firstly, Ramadan was in December and sunset was at 4:30. Secondly, I didn’t have a care in the world. My life consisted of hanging out at school and skipping class. I didn’t have a mortgage, a job, debt and all the other things that weigh our spirit down.
I miss being excited about Ramadan. This year I was dreading it. And the first week was tough. By 3:00 pm, my knuckles were dragging on the ground at work and I was moving at a snail’s pace. And this year Egyptians didn’t even turn back the clocks like they always did. I bet they miss Mubarak (joke).
My prayer to God is to give me the strength to make the most of this Ramadan, and although I didn’t earn it, I hope that I get to see many more Ramadans, so that I at least can get rewarded for sleeping while I’m fasting. And please, please forgive me for my shortcomings.
Now I need to go and do something useful.
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I totally know how u feel I keep asking myself how did the older generations do it ? May Allah grant us all w seeing anothet ramadan ?
Comment by Raabia August 19, 2011 @ 4:48 pmI feel the same way this year, the demands of mom, wife, cook, chauffeur, maid, were making me just count the hours away rather than appreciate these precious hours of Ramadan. May Allah truly help us through our shortcomings and make us better every Ramadan.
Comment by shazia August 26, 2011 @ 9:49 pmShazia